LEAVING YOUR CHILDREN SOMETHING TO LOVE BY: SOME ANSWERS TO THESE MISASSUMPTIONS REGARDING SEXUALITY Here are some answers to these misassumptions regarding sexuality. In each of the twelve areas, I have included a quote from sessions with the children of the thousand couples to illustrate their concerns. The parents in the couples program were present [...] [...more]
LEAVING YOUR CHILDREN SOMETHING TO LOVE BY: SOME ANSWERS TO THESE MISASSUMPTIONS REGARDING SEXUALITY
Here are some answers to these misassumptions regarding sexuality. In each of the twelve areas, I have included a quote from sessions with the children of the thousand couples to illustrate their concerns. The parents in the couples program were present for family sexual counseling sessions as a part of their super marital | sex program. Such sessions were optional, but 63 percent of the couples elected to have them. Fifty-two percent of those couples I requested additional sexual counseling sessions with their children, j I have found that dealing with the entire family system, not just the marital couple, is most effective in clinical work. The couples I am now seeing are electing this approach at an almost 75 percent frequency.
If you get turned on, you know, you get homy-like, you really don’t know what you’re doing. You might do anything. You can’t control it, so you shouldn’t get a boy turned on. You could end up attacked and not even know what happened to you.
TWELVE-YEAR-OLD GIRL
Make sure you understand one thing about sex. You always are in control. It is just a story, a made-up thing, that you get out of control. Unless you do something dumb like take drugs or drink alcohol, you always know what you are doing, even when you are enjoying getting turned on in sex. Boys always know, too, even if they get really turned on. If you or the boy keeps saying that you just might not know what you are doing, then it can be an excuse for doing anything, for fooling yourself and each other. Your parents know that everything in life is a decision, and that applies to sex.
Boys are always turned on. It’s all they ever think about. Just walk
down the hall at school, and they are ready to jump you. They say
things all the time. Boys are just all sexed up.
FOURTEEN-YEAR-OLD GIRL
You’re right that it seems like boys are always all sexed up, because they seem to act that way when they are around each other. When you talk to them alone, face to face and seriously, you will find that they are not different from you. It’s just like with giris. There are certain ways you have to act to belong to the right group, to fit in. We all do that, even as adults. Some girls pretend they don’t ever think about sex, because that’s what other giris say, but everyone has strong sexual feelings sometimes. Remember, God didn’t give one set of feelings to boys and another to girls. Everybody got everything when it comes to feelings.
Can’t you hurt yourself if you just fool around too much? I was told
that some guy had his testicles permanently enlarged by just playing
around and not going all the way. He said it was blue balls.
THIRTEEN-YEAR-OLD BOY
More people have gotten hurt, that is to say, have gotten into problems, by going all the way than not going all the way. There is no such thing as blue balls, and boys and girls cannot be hurt by not having intercourse after getting very aroused. As a matter of fact, feeling blue is more related to intercourse before you are really ready for it, so fooling around is a great choice if you feel enough love and respect to trust each other and really share the experience. Remember, there are ways to relieve the buildup of sexual feelings other than intercourse. Discuss some of these options with your parents.
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